A Very Weirdo Pod Fam Holiday Special

0:00 [Music] Christine, please don't hang up. I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, after I ran away to the big city. But when I saw you hanging Christmas lights with Roger, I got scared. The tinsel and decorations from my works holiday party is nothing like what I experienced in a style j-town with you. I know now the true meaning of Christmas is our love. If you'll have me, I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. It's a Christmas miracle! I'm going to march into the holiday party and tell Mr. Manager that I quit! Then I'm on the first flight back to nostalgia town with you.

0:42 I love you too! I'll see you shortly. What the? Oh hey, I didn't see you there. Sorry you had to witness that. I'm sure you had a great Christmas love story unfolding, but you sort of picked the wrong place to have a big holiday realization. How rude of me. I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Stuart. I'm a non-denomination holiday cryptid. Basically my soul lies dormant on regular days, only allowing my physical form to materialize during holidays. Hanukkah, Easter, October Fest, you name it. I even had Columbus Day for a little over 200 years, but everyone challenged its legitimacy.

1:25 Hello, that one made me feel a little weird anyway. As a young blood thirsty sky beast, I used to do my part with population control, feeding on the innocent and causing destruction. But recently I've just been really into podcasts. Ever since I discovered how good any podcasts are, I've spent every holiday that I'm materialized, catching up on all my favorite shows. And being a bit of an anomaly myself, I'm a sucker for weird and interesting content. Oh look you there! My first holiday story is finished downloading. I can share your butt with you if you'd like to listen with. Let me just sweep these in trails out of the way so you can have a seat. There we go. This first story is from a couple of goofballs that go by Live, Laugh, Larceny, a true petty crime podcast.

2:08 They specialize in taking dumb criminal headlines and turn them into cheesy, overly dramatic short stories. It's very different, and the sound effects kill me. Here's my other ear butt if you don't mind putting that in. It's a perfect fit. Let's press play and see what's in store for this ear. All the Florida people in Wellington, like Jesus a lot. But the Grinch, Danielle Santino, who walked past it, did not. Danielle hated Christmas and religious belief. Please don't ask why her and the Lord just had beef. It could be perhaps that their bells woke her up every morning.

2:49 It could be that she found their sermons to be boring. But I think the most likely reason of all is that her religious tolerance was too size too small. But whatever the reason, their sermons or bells, their shouts to the heavens, made Danielle feel like hell. Staring across the street with a bias, Grinchy frown, a new lawn ornament appeared for the people to gather around. For she knew every member of the center across the street loved that their religious statues were the first thing people would see. Christmas was yesterday.

3:30 She snarled with a sneer. They had 25 days of their incessant cheer. Then she formed an idea deep in her asshole brain. That celebration must be stopped. Not another single day. For tomorrow I know all the Wellington people will loudly sing hymns of praise to the steeple. Oh those ancient songs, all those song, song, songs. If there's one thing I hate, it's those song, song, songs. They'll stand close together with the pipe organ blaring, feeling very uncomfortable in the ugly sweaters they're wearing.

4:11 Still singing, still singing, still singing, singing, singing. And the more Danielle thought of their tone deaf singing, the more Danielle thought, "I must end this whole thing." Why, since Thanksgiving night, the decorations lit the town. The holiday has passed. It must end now. Then she got an idea, an intolerant idea. She got the most wonderful, intolerant idea. "I know just what I'll do." Danielle laughed and she swayed. "I'll kidnap baby Jesus.

4:51 I'll take him away." "It's September 26th," she grinsially said, as she put on all black and slipped a mask over her head. She walked softly and quietly as she approached the manger. Joseph and Mary stared in fear at the sight of the stranger. "I've heard a lot about you, baby Jesus," she shouted with glee. "Now get in the bag. You're coming with me." That she attempted to pick up the sweet baby Lord. Her motion was stopped by a tight safety cord. "You think that will stop me?" Danielle said with a chuckle.

5:32 As she cut through the rope and through that baby in her duffel. Her feet ran across the street with the Holy Spirit and toe, knocking quietly on the window of her good friend, Fernando. "What do you want?" said the voice of her friend. "I brought you a late present. Now please, let me in." Danielle began to explain. Fernando held out his hand. "Some people accept Christ in their hearts, but I've got him in this bag. I appreciate the gesture," said Fernando. "But you stole. I'll accept this gift out of politeness, but you should probably go."

6:14 Danielle left without a fight, escaping into the night. No longer would the center be Mary and Bright. But as the sun rose above, the center on December 27th. In walked past her Marty, the 377th. He unlocked the worship hall with his old creepy keys. He filled his watering can with holy water to water the holy trees. Walking the grounds, he cleaned it up of any trash. And looked up to the manger to see baby Jesus had been snatched. "Oh, golly-g!" he wailed the way a holy man could.

6:54 "I'm not going to curse, but the situation, it's not good." Only prayers can save us from a time of great stress. So Marty got on his knees and activated baby Jesus' GPS. Now, before you listen to think, this is a fun turn of phrase. I mean this in the most literal of ways. This isn't the church's first baby Jesus rodeo. They've got years of experience with their savior being stole. So just as Jesus looks down over you and me, his forever baby body is watched over by technology. They pinged his location and he was surprisingly close.

7:36 Just across the street, on a pile of Fernando's clothes. "Police!" As they questioned the boy in his vial act, "Why would you do this?" He flipped like a pancake and stabbed Daniel in the back. So what happened then? Well in Willington they say, "That Grinch got booked for a Florida man's day." There she sat in the Palm Beach County jail with a single charge of theft and a lump of coal in her cell. And then the true meaning of Christmas came through, that you probably shouldn't steal such a popular loot. So welcome Christmas. Bring your cheer.

8:16 Cheer to all the Florida people, far and near. Cheer to the baths, salters, the shoplifters and stuff. As long as they have hands to cuff. Florida crimes will always be, as long as we have we. Welcome petty criminals as we stand, with petty hearts and red hands. Wow. I need that book printed immediately. Okay. We made a little eye contact during this story. When you said the 377th, clarify immediately. That wasn't really a real thing.

8:57 I was like, there is no way. That was me doing a sucess. Okay. I was doing Pastor Marty, which is another Marty, but I was saying he was Pastor Marty of 377th. It helped make the rhyme, but I'd like to think that he just came from a line of 300 plus Pastor Marty's. I was like, if this is somehow, was some way a truth in this story? I need to know details. Okay. That is not. So they had a GPS in Baby Jesus. Apparently, this is very common. Oh wow. I learned a whole expo-zay on it. I mean, we've all heard stories. I mean, Baby Jesus, this is in Joseph Samarrius, gets stole from the manger all the time.

9:38 Yeah. But I guess a lot of these security places, normally if you're going to sign up for like a brings or some sort of a thing as a church, they're trying to get you to sign up for like a year or so. Yeah. But they were actually running holiday deals to say, okay, you can sign on with us for one month only, because we understand how important it is that you protect Baby Jesus. There's no like hassle to try to get you to do more. Sure, everybody needs security, but you need extra security on these things. So a lot of churches will, or community centers, as this one was, will sign on and put these GPS trackers in their highly stolen Christmas decor.

10:19 So sometimes, Baby Jesus, oh, Baby Jesus is the main one, but sometimes even Mary and Joseph will also have GPS trackers on them too. Hello. What a twist on a holiday classic. Here I am, some great test creature who literally ate a human in front of you. And I can't even fathom the kind of evil that comes from a Jesus thief. Ha, well, I guess there's no rest for the wicked. I only have so many hours on this holiday, so the show must go on. I don't know how you feel about history, but I've got a great historical true crime podcast hosted by Sisters Lindsey and Madison. Together, they formed the podcast “Ye Olde Crime". The show is full of strange historical facts, crime, and laughs.

10:59 It's a great bit in nostalgia for a centuries old being like myself, but it should serve as a fun learning experience for you. Hello and welcome to "Ye Olde Crime", where we discuss the funny, strange, and obscure crimes of Yesteryear. I'm your host, Lindsey Valente, and with me is my sister and co-host, Maddie Stangle. Hello. Hi. How's it going? It's going. This episode comes out the week of Christmas. Oh, I'm a good miss. Good miss. Good news. Happy holidays. I'm going to be sharing stories behind popular Christmas tales.

11:43 Ooh, that's appropriate. That's timeline appropriate. This story is a popular tale that I think once I get into it, you're going to be like, "Yeah, I know this one." Okay. If you live in the UK, you're probably familiar with a popular Christmas dish known as "Minsmeet Pie". This festive dish is made with fruit, spices like cinnamon and nutmeg, and a mix of herbs. But it's rumored that once upon a time, back in the 16th century, this dish had a... Shall we say more meaty and rather unceivery beginning? Is it long pig?

12:24 Yeah. God damn it. Historians in 2016, particularly a blogger named CRBerry, wrote about how the dish was actually invented by a group of French cannibals. It's always the French, "Histone bread, no, Minsmeet Pie". And they're the ones that punish pigs for eating their baby's faces when they don't eat them. Just feed the pigs, and then you can eat them. That's how... That's how it should work. It's a food chain. You gotta... Never break the chain. Or the big ol' leaf face. They're cool, though.

13:05 They decided to make pies filled with a mix of fruit, spices, and minced meat to hide the fact that the source of the protein was actually people. Okay. And the reason Minsmeet Pies today are now meat-free is to hide the fact that they started off as such a horrific dish. Great. In Paris in 1384, the butcher of Rue de Marmolsay was one of the most well-known of his trade in the entirety of France. Of his wares, his pattes, and meat pies were what sold the most. People from all over the country would travel to Paris just to try them.

13:48 Even King Charles VI reportedly came to sample his wares. BFD. Like... Super exclusive. It's the Guy Fieri of France. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. So, it's trying to think of a dives diner's and drive-ins joke, but I couldn't think of one. Well, next to the butcher shop was the town Barber, who had a large number of patrons, and was particularly popular amongst foreign students who were in the city to study philosophy. No. It said that when he would find himself alone with one of these foreigners, his hand would occasionally slip, and he would slip the throat of the unsuspecting student before they were sent down a shoot into the basement, a basement that he shared with his neighbor, the butcher.

14:41 So this is no swinging tug. Yes. Yes. Okay, got it. The butcher would then proceed to chop, grind, and mash the body until they were at a consistency where they could be the key ingredient for one of his famous meat pies. The reason they would slaughter and serve foreigners was because it was far less likely that their families would miss them right away, or even notice that they were gone until long after they'd been served to the unsuspecting people of Paris. For us. This practice between the two men took place for years, and it wasn't until a young German student went missing that the life of crime that he had been living at began to crumble in 1387.

15:24 The police had no idea where to even begin to look for the missing student until they noticed something peculiar about this student's dog. Okay. The dog would stay outside the barber shop day and night, barking and seemingly waiting for his master to exit the building. It wasn't long before the police decided it was worth looking into. That's when the basement of horrors was discovered. The butcher and barber were arrested, taken outside the city hall of Paris and soon hanged. As for the student's dog, he was awarded the Medal of Honor for solving the case.

16:04 Stop! It's so cute! [Laughter] I hope we got a good home. Hope somebody like... I do too. And as you mentioned, if you're thinking to yourself, that sounds familiar? I'm not surprised as it inspired the tale of Sweeney Todd, who first appeared in a penny dreadful in 1847. The location of Sweeney Todd changed from the then small city of Paris to the bustling city of London, where barber Sweeney Todd partnered with his neighbor Mrs. Love It, whose pies were the worst in London before Sweeney showed up. The story of the original butcher in barber in Paris may not be the true inspiration for the story of Sweeney Todd, however.

16:49 There are other reports of a similar tale taking place in the 17th century during the French Revolution, but there is no proof of any questionable murders taking place. It is more likely that the British were trying to paint the French as barbaric cannibalistic commoners. They have been known to do stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Once upon a time in the UK, being able to afford a mincemeat pie meant you were doing rather well for yourself. At that time, the pies were filled with savory meats like lamb or minced beef, which was a luxury that not everyone could indulge in. One of the earliest mentions of a pie full of meat and spices appeared in an English cookbook from 1390 titled A Form of Curry, which called for the maker to grind up pork, hard-boiled eggs and cheese before mixing in spices, saffron, and sugar.

17:47 At this point in history, meat pies would have been intended as a full meal, not as the small tart-like pastries that they are known. That makes sense. Yeah. So like a full chicken pat pat. Yeah. A portable and party. Around the mid-17th century is when mince pies seemed to start being tied to the holiday of Christmas, although they were still enjoyed throughout the rest of the year. And you're familiar with Oliver Cromwell, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that guy didn't like things that were festive. [laughs] Shocker. And he had spiced treats of which mince meat pie was one made illegal.

18:29 Cool. A 1661 book about the interregnum, aka when the Puritans ruled the country, the author included a rhyme that goes as follows, "All plums, the profit, sons, to fye, and spiced broths are too hot. Trees ends in a December pie and death within the pot." In 1850, Washington Irving wrote, "Nearly two centuries had elapsed since the fiery persecution of poor mince pie throughout the land. One plumb porridge was denounced as mere poppery." The war on pie. By the mid-1800s, mince meat pies, sands meat, started to make an appearance, partially due to the fact that sugar was starting to become easier to acquire, which ushered in the era of sweet pies.

19:20 Nice. In 1861, a cookbook by Mrs. Beton provided directions on how to make meat pies, as well as a sweet meat-free version. By the time that the Victorian era came along, mince pies were almost exclusively meat-free. Regarding the story of the French butcher and baker, a folk song was written in 1387, the same year that the pair were said to be executed, titled, "The Legend of the Barber and the Bloody Pastry Seller," that goes as follows. "I don't know the rhymes, I'm just going to read it." Quote. And rue de du Hamal, near the Marmo say, "Were two occurs souls by their dreadful crimes, the bloodthirsty barber and reckless baker, discovered by a dog, making the world eat, by fruitful cruelty, the flesh of a Christian."

20:13 End. And to end on a fun note. Okay. Yeah. The law banning mince meat pies during the reign of Cromwell was never actually repealed. So it's a bit of a well-known fact that anyone who eats them in the UK is actually breaking the law, but it's not something you're going to get arrested for. On that note, as always, I'm Lindsay, and I'm Madison, and we'll see you next time with another tale, as though this crime, happy holidays, happy holidays!

20:53 I may have just ate, but that story made me hungry. You know what I'm saying? Up top. Oh, like it. That's probably not super relatable for a mortal. You may never eat again after what you've seen tonight, huh? Phew. I was afraid that awkward sounds was never going down. Good thing there's plenty of indie podcast content to keep you calm and keep me distracted from the hunger. And there's no better listening distraction than the delicious duo of Alicia and Sierra, of Twisted and Uncorked. These ladies always deliver the best of serial killers, cults, conspiracies, or the paranormal. It looks like this is all about the history of Ebenezer's Scrooge. I'm going to go ahead and press play. I need to distract myself from those human meat pies.

21:34 A Christmas Carol became particularly popular as well, because of the time it was released in. People found it to be relatable. Ghost stories were passed around a fire during this time of year, like we just said earlier, and this book contained just that. And it sold out by Christmas Eve. Dickens was able to reestablish Christmas as a season of goodwill to all men in the hearts and minds of the people. A Christmas Carol inspired people to behave better towards one another. It is theorized that Ebenezer Scrooge was based off of a real man.

22:15 The most likely candidate is an 18th century British politician named John L. Wess, who was notorious for his penny penching. Penny penching. I said, "Penny penching?" I put the ironies. Anyway, you know it. John L. Wess was born in 1714 and inherited his first fortune worth about $10 million today. Cassie's pay is not fair. It's a time. At just four years old. $10 million. When his father passed away. Sir.

22:55 Wow. But if... If... I mean... Yes, four-year-olds, are you? But if, as they say, a penny saved as a penny earned, John L. Wess was more like a billionaire. At a young age, John learned much of his frugal mindset from his uncle, though his mother, who reportedly starved to death because she refused to buy food despite being rich. Probably played a role as well. Oh, I'm sorry, but... That is just crazy to me. The stakes for Galady to a whole new level. John L. Wess and his uncle would sit around complaining about the way other people wasted money while sharing a single glass of wine between them.

23:42 I was sitting here with a half-leather. That's not enough wine. John would always go to bed as soon as the sun set, so he wouldn't have to pay for candles. Oh, what? Roadkill and would eat moldy food rather than letting it go to waste. I mean, I kind of respect that because people are so wasteful, but no. No. Don't let go of waste. This is trash. Yeah, on the side of the house that you should use to plant your own garden. Use it for something other than putting inside of you. Oh, I can smell it from here, I'm upset.

24:25 He wore ragged clothes, including a wig he found in a bush, and strangers often assumed he was a homeless beggar and would drop pennies in his hand. Oh, boy, she wears a bush wig. The bush wig. The name of the episode. Jesus Christ. John would walk in the rain rather than paying for a coach, and then he would sit around in his wet clothes rather than building a fire to drive them. His roof leaped, and his lavish home fell to ruins around him, up until he died in 1789.

25:05 He was known to get in, right? He was known to get mad at birds who stole hay from his fields to build their nests. It honestly was a conversation to save as much as possible. You can't take it with you, man. Exactly. Like for what? For what? Also, the birds are just doing their thing, okay? They're being just as frugal as you. You found a bush in a wig. Why can't they find a hay in your field? Did you see a bush got a bush in a wig? Yeah, she got a hay in your field.

25:47 I love it. A wig in a bush. A wig in a bush. You're a wig in a bush. Oh, my goodness. Passed wigs. Exactly. John ran for Parliament and served three terms. Who the fuck voted for him? He was technically a member of the wig party. No pun intended. According to Wikipedia, the wigs wore a political faction and then a political party in the Parliaments of England, Scotland, Ireland, Great Britain and the United Kingdom.

26:28 John would travel to Parliament via the long route to avoid toll roads and he would ride his underfed horse to work. Sopping along the way to eat a hard boiled egg, he kept in his pocket. It's a little bit squished. It was very hard to know. Okay. Oh, hopefully it was for people. Everybody smelled. So I don't think they noticed the whole world. It's a bush wig. They also ate it in the road. You know, it's fine. I really hope that he shared part of that hard boiled egg with this horse though.

27:09 I doubt it. Oh, he's just standing there. He can have it's own food. Did you ever eat the horse? Yeah. The habsis. After a total of 12 years in Parliament, he decided to retire. Rather than continuing to spend money in his elections. The Scrooge comparisons start to fall apart though once you get past extreme personal fragality. When it came to other people in his life, John L. Wiz could be extremely generous with his money. Interesting. When his friends experience financial strengths, he would assist them with whatever they needed.

27:53 Oh, furthermore, while he would lend money freely, he was too polite to ever ask his friends to pay him back. No, that sounds real dumb. Yeah, you gotta have boundaries. You gotta have boundaries. It does sound like Jesse. Minus the bush wig though. Minus a barber. Well, then never mind. I want nothing to do with that one. Mark, are you up here? Oh shit, this must be the X-Crooge from Character from the Big City. Hold on. Ugh, sorry about that.

28:35 Honestly, after the whole 8 in the pockets, there I wasn't really hungry. But we still have a couple of stories left to go, and I hate when people interrupt my podcast. You may have noticed some other voices in that last story. It turns out that story was a Christmas mashup between Twisted and Uncorked and another great show. The PNW Haunts and Homicides. They show a poster by Caitlyn and Cassie, and they specialize in all things true crime and paranormal, mostly happening around the Pacific Northwest. Actually, I have a few cryptic cousins that roam those forests. And the hits keep coming. This story from the NW Hansen Homicides is also from the same mashup, so you could hear a little more of the Twistediron Court ladies in this clip too. Consider that my little gift to you.

29:16 It looks like we're going to learn about a murderous dentist in this one. He had quickly become a pillar of that small town community. Always. Pillar to killer. He was more than just a respected businessman in Roseburg, though. He held memberships at the Elk's Lodge, and with the Roseburg Monthly Music Club. Oh. It sounds very wholesome, but I feel like you're going to... You're going to shatter it. Pretty much. He was married to an attractive and beautiful woman, and the couple had three young boys.

29:58 On the 13th of July that same year, Dental. Yeah, that's his name. Toads. Might as well be. Yeah. It's going to say is that actually his name, though, because... That's why he chose that profession. Yeah. Dennis Russell was hired under the pretense of Dr. Brumfield needing assistance with removing some tree stumps from his property. Or the tree stumps or were their bodies? Good question. Okay.

30:40 Dennis was a well-liked and unmarried man, though he was not known for his wit or intellect in particular. So obviously it wasn't going... It wasn't going to be difficult for the doctor to disguise his true intentions. And in this case, the truth is certainly stranger than any fantastical fictional tale I could have imagined. Oh, say that sometimes. I love this as a prelude, though. Yeah, absolutely. You see the image that Dr. Brumfield had projected to the community of a wholesome, prosperous, and all-American family was indeed at least in part of fabrication.

31:28 For you see, the good doctor did find himself in a bad habit. In a bad bit of money trouble. Oh. I was like, "Oh no, a bad habit." Oh, a bad habit. We got a bad habit. Well, killing people usually is a bad habit, but... And he has. Arguably one of the worst. His plans for Dennis lied in using his corpse to fake his own death. Yeah. Exactly. Dennis! Oh, I was really hoping he was just going to be in a conversation. Yeah. That would have been probably Dennis's preference, but...

32:10 Poor Dennis. No. Or IP Dennis slushed dentist. He had a $30,000 life insurance policy and had also taken out two separate loans from Roseburg Banks. Insurance schemes, as one might surmise, he may have already learned, were a far more lucrative way to make a quick buck than any other occupation. He'd actually already previously received payments for homes that had been burned to the ground. So this is our wholesome dentist who's just, you know, lighten shit on fire. A huge con man, why not?

32:50 Yeah. Pretty wild. The handyman Dennis had been offered a bottle of moonshine when the doctor arrived to pick up him up at his home. In hindsight, it probably would have been a good idea to hold off on the day drinking until after he'd finished his work, you know, blowing up tree stumps, clean out of the ground with dynamite. But of course, Dennis didn't have the benefit of knowledge that the moonshine had also been laced with some sort of sedative. So questionable choice. Oh, sure.

33:30 Oh my gosh. So he just starts drinking before work. Yeah. But you got to feel bad for the guy once you find out what's next. When Dennis had succumbed to the power of the tainted spirits, Dr. Brumfield took him about a mile down the road in his personal vehicle and not for a picnic to bludgeon him with 30 Remington semi auto rifle that he had also packed up for this errand. Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm bludgeoning with a rifle. You realize that's a gun, right?

34:12 I mean, I'm not going to tell you how to murder somebody, but I feel you did it the heart. Yeah. Just like, come on. Yikes. There's such an obvious cheat code here. A hundred percent. Oh my god. Well, I mean guns and rosemary. Rosemary. Rosemary. No. Poor Dennis. I know. I was really starting to like it. I know. I was really starting to become attached. Making a second stop further along the road, Dr. Brumfield shot Dennis twice with that same rifle. Even in a rural community gunfire could draw attention.

34:54 So he quickly sped away from this second location, which Roseberg is still pretty small here in Oregon, like compared to a city like Portland. So I was kind of surprised. I was like, why are you so worried about getting caught? Like, isn't everybody just out shooting guns like, piffy. Yep. Old time, Westerny. Yeah, that's what they sound like. So in my experience, which is zero. So he just drove away.

35:35 Well, he did just drive away, but unfortunately he did take Dennis with him. Yeah. What? Yeah. So he shoots him and then he takes him away. He beat him. And then he was like, oh wait, this is a gun. And then he shoots him. And then he's like, oh no, I'm going to get caught. Come on, let's go. Why? I don't serve. Yeah, I think probably at this point, he wasn't really asking Dennis nicely. He was probably just shoving him back into the trunk. But who knows? Poor Dennis. I'd be like, fuck you. No. I mean, assuming that Dennis was even conscious, I feel like Yikes.

36:16 Okay. Can I just say, I have an S. What is it called? A prediction? Oh, of what is going to happen next? Oh, I like it. And I don't think it's actually going to happen, but it would be hilarious. Don't spoil there. Because is there a trail of blood that follows his vehicle all the way back to where he is? Is this going to get even more loo-loo need you? Right. It feels like a cartoon. Oh, it's, it honestly gets more cartoony. Oh gosh. That specific explanation would be just, shuff's kiss, but no.

36:57 It wasn't until he reached the river that the doctor made a third stop to remove each and every tooth from Dennis' mouth. No. No. Oh, that's Sarah's worst nightmare. So he's a dentist because he's literally a psycho. Yeah. Oh my god. I never trusted that in a joint circle. It's my best guess anyway. So the weird part though, Sarah has a thing about you. I get it. I get it. It's horrifying. I can't stop like goose bumps.

37:39 That seems like a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah. How many teeth the adults have? Like 25? He may have had up to 32. Oh. It's 32 with your wisdom teeth, 28 without. Okay. I'm one of the weird. I never stopped to count my teeth, but I'm glad you knew that. I'm the chopper head because that wasn't even close. I'll tell you why after we're done. I'm going to message you guys how many teeth I actually have. And you can just take a quick count and get back to us. That'd be great. Doing some research. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Oh no. Well, it gets weirder though.

38:21 And that's just on this third stop before we move on to more weirdness. Of course. There's levels and layers. It's like an onion of weird criminal activity. He then threw those teeth into the current of the river. Why? What was the point? It's making my eyes... It's making my eyes... Oh, I have to get rid of DNA. Well, I mean, there's nobody's testing DNA back then. So I was kind of thinking this way. It's 1921. That's... I forgot what timeline was. Exactly. Couldn't they still identify people by dental records back then? I don't think that you could really identify someone by dental records back then because...

39:06 At least in part, I think that they use your X-rays when they do that. That's right. But I think the most that they knew was if they have a gold tooth, they must have money. Right. Right. We're dental records. Just like somebody looking at a dead guy's mouth. Like, yeah, that looks like those. She makes them bite something and then the dead person bites. Yeah, the bite is the same. Well, obviously, Ken would not do that here. He has no azerotis. Goodness. Oh, goodness. No. So, Highway 99, which normally I would say this may sound familiar to local listeners.

39:51 I don't know if you have any listeners in the BMW, probably. I hope so, Laura. I'm not representing very well. But on Highway 99 is where he pulled over yet again to place his "signit" ring on the man's finger. Now, that's what I call a cliffhanger. Putting his ring back on his victim. Is this a calling cart thing? Or is he trying to disguise the victim that passes him? I'll have to send you with the full episode on that one so you can see how it ends. It looks like our final story is done downloading. I know you've heard a lot about messed up stuff this evening. But how about hearing from a podcast called That's So F*** Up?

40:33 Wow, that was unusually a lot of traffic. The final show that I downloaded is called That's So F*** Up. And it's hosted by Ashley Love Richards. She covers all things bizarre and all around. Well, F*** Up. Hopefully you can stand up one more holiday story. That's that, F***. So, you guys, this is Ashley Love Richards. You know me, I'm your host. And today, I'm joined by one of my audio engineers and friends for over a year and a half. We have been on this ride together for a hot second. It's been a great ride too. Who are you? My name is Gatres Monique Perdue.

41:13 I loved it that rhymed. Thank you. I know. So I googled Christmas cult just in case. And wouldn't you know that I found something super f***ing weird? So I found this thing, Gatres, called the Gracious Choir. Gracious Choir? Yeah. But the leader of the Gracious Choir and the good news mission and the International Youth Fellowship, aka the IYF, well, he's originally from Korea and only speaks Korean. He has an interpreter with him at all times. But I swear to God, he just made all of these different names to throw people off because it was so hard to figure out what the f*** was going on here.

42:02 So, shout out to our researcher, Elizabeth, for really digging in and finding out what was going on here. Because I just said, I don't know really, you know, and then she looked into it. I looked into it more, but she just found a lot of really great information because I was like, what the f*** is going on here? Sorry, dang it. And his name is Gracious Choir. His name is Aksu Park. And he was born in June of 1944, which makes him 79 today. He founded a choir called the Gracious Choir. Okay. Which is just like a little bit confusing because of the Korean origins.

42:42 Yeah, and it's the thank you choir if they were somewhere Spanish. A Spanish-speaking country. Exactly. I can see why you're throwing off. Yeah. Gracious to your researcher. Right. I mean, thank you. Gracious means I love you. No. I mean, thank you. I think most people know that. Yes. Aksu Park was born in June of 1944. He was a student at the San Son Middle School, which is where he was connected with the WEC International in England, which was the worldwide evangelization for Christ. Good stuff. Uh-huh.

43:22 So I actually just watched a really good documentary on HBO. Okay. It was called Savior Complex, and it's about a woman who starts a missionary in Uganda when she's I think about 21 years old and starts a refeeding program from our nourished children. And basically, I don't want to give too much away. The mortality rate at her facility. It was in the same ballpark as at real hospitals because sadly about one tenth or more of children who get malnourished and updying. As a the end result sadly, and she had this facility running, but she would wear a stethoscope and sometimes a doctor's coat.

44:10 She had no medical training whatsoever. Never took a fucking EMT course. She was running this center for, I don't know, half a dozen years or more. And she had doctors and nurses around who were trained medical professionals, but they interviewed a girl who had volunteered there and other people that they interviewed to said that she would just step in and be like, "No, no, this is how you do it." Telling the doctors and nurses to do something this way when she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. That sounds about right. She's got some kind of complex on. You can say that sounds about white. I know what you want to say.

44:50 [Laughter] Oh, you knew it. Well, let's be honest. You know, it's white missionaries for the most part going over to Africa a lot of times. Yes. Because God put it on their heart and don't get me wrong. Some of it is good because, you know what, if you want to do good, give them money. Help money flow into their economy. Not so much just hand over the money to the government because unfortunately many governments are very corrupt. But if she had all this money flowing in from donors, she should have been giving that to the hospitals in the surrounding areas that have real doctors and medical facilities.

45:33 Exactly. But she definitely seemed to have, well, a savior complex, which is the name of the documentary. And everybody's like, "Why are you going off about this right now?" Because she was a missionary and the worldwide evangelization for Christ was an inter-denominational mission agent. That was a mission agency that focused on evangelism, discipleship, and church planting to share the gospel cross culturally. That's what I don't like. Keep your gospel to yourself. You want to go help people in third world countries by donating some time or money, food, food, you know, whatever.

46:14 But don't go force religion on them. Especially while they're like suffering and it seems like the only way they're going to get that help is if they convert to what you want them to convert. Right. Listen to me talk all day long about this and then maybe I'll feed you. No, exactly. You get the help but with a side of Christ. Also a side of a non-medical advice. Yeah. Probably. I didn't go to school and let me come and operate on you. And there's one woman whose child died. She came from a small village and she said I had heard about a white woman who had a facility. And when I got there and met her, she had a stethoscope on.

46:57 She looked like she knew what she was doing. So she was going into areas where people weren't very educated and presenting herself as a medical professional and had a bunch of children die at her hands. And that's the thing I want to be fair about is that statistically that many could have died in a hospital as well. It's just like the whole savior complex bullshit. And I'm bringing that up because what is evangelism? You ask a truce. What is evangelism? Thank you. Yeah, I will tell you it's the act of preaching or communicating the gospel and teaching of Jesus to non-believers with the goal of converting as many people as possible and helping them discover their trooper.

47:39 Trooper is in life loving Jesus. There's not like strict rules about it. You just preach about the Bible and obviously this can be abused pretty quickly. And I found these adorable evangelical twins who run a for-profit mission business. Who are these twins? The Benham brothers. And it's a profit. It's a for-profit mission business and they call it mission hearing. Isn't that the exact opposite of what that she's supposed to be? I mean, not mocking them, but I've seen the missions in neighborhoods walking with their tie, the white shirt. They've never stopped to talk to me though. I think that's Mormons you're talking about.

48:20 Oh, that's definitely their look. But yeah, what they are doing is evangelizing. Well, are they preaching about Jesus in the Bible? Maybe they're just spreading the word. They're spreading the word. I feel like that's similar. I feel that one can open up their heart to Jesus if they like. I've been a church a couple of times. Yeah, no, I've been a couple of times. Yeah. Sorry. So he officially joined the missionary program in 1962 and was trained in theology and the practical life of faith based on the gospel. Aksu does mostly public speaking and sermons to preach his gospel and he has also written 38 books related to Christianity.

49:09 Okay. Where does one get the time to write 38 books? I can't imagine they're that good. He spired up about the Lord. But also Stephen King writes pretty amazing books and he's written a double crooked S-tun. That's just for you, girl. Thank you. Cricut letters. And now he's dedicated to spreading his gospel across the world for everyone to hear. It's an important note that his ministry is seen as a cult in South Korea where he's originally from. Also, kind of Colt-y. He thinks he's a prophet. So, you know, whatever rolls off his tongue is the truth.

49:52 You know, it's always kind of interesting when somebody's a prophet. It's weird how they think the world should be a certain way. And that's weirdly exactly how Jesus thinks that the world should be a certain way. The way that they think, you know, yeah, I could tell you, Gatress, I can't be wrong. Everything I say now is right because Jesus came and qualified me to do this. Oh, I want to do an episode called Dangerous Bible Verses. Like ones that people often use to justify some bullshit. And the one that Renee Bach from Savior Complex used was, God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

50:33 And is that in the Bible? I don't know, Gatress. If it is though, that's not good. I don't think it is. I have not read through the whole thing, but I don't think God was using phrases like that. First would be "Dai Dao". I think I'm on chapter three or four of the Bible or book. I'm on chapter four. I was about to say, like I think it's by the books. I've been learning about the Bible now for, I don't know, eight months. Yeah. And I'm still. But I do know what you mean by that because when people get married or they're like honor that husband, you know, my husband, he's cool, whatever, but honor and listen to everything he says.

51:14 No. Wait a minute, he might listen to this episode. Love you. Whatever. He knows who he married. He does know. But yeah, or no, maybe it's Obey your husband. I'm sorry. I'm a human woman. Yeah. No, I don't like that. You know what? Tell me. I don't like to obey anyone. Yeah. Exactly. Because it's like, oh, if you tell me to do something, I'm going to do the opposite. Exactly. And then I just say, what do you want to say? Exactly. Thank you. I got you. We're symbiotic at this point from working together for so long. By, um, see it eye to eye.

51:56 So the worldwide evangelization for Christ, WEC, is what I'm going to call it now because I'm not going to keep saying that, was founded in 1913 by Charles Stodd. And American evangelist. He created the heart of Africa mission in his 50s. He stated that if Jesus died for him, then he should be able to make endless sacrifices in his own life to return the favor. And this was all relating back to personal health problem he had. You know, this is my cross to bear. Jesus had to die for his sins.

52:36 And I have asthma, you know, no, I don't know if it was asthma, but also I don't want to diminish how scary asthma is. I can't imagine having something where it's just like, yeah, and then sometimes all the sudden I can't do that thing that you need to do to keep living to breathe. Yeah. Mm hmm. Shit. So heart of Africa was then renamed WEC International. And once this change happened, their goal was to have a worldwide effect to reach every person on the planet who did not yet have Jesus in their heart. Or at least who hadn't heard about him, you know, I guess you at least got to hear about this guy.

53:17 And then hopefully you bring into his heart. Have you heard about my friend Jesus? He's the bomb. I would love to hear more about him. Tell me more. I'm not going to tell you more about Jesus. Okay. But I am going to tell you more about this weird Christmas choir. Hold. This organization is where Park got his extreme ideology and is trying to enforce the same objectives with the foundations that he's created. Their objectives are reaching as many people as possible, planting as many churches as possible, and mobilizing missions around the world. Because we've seen how well missions have gone in, you know, it's generally really cool how they go to indigenous groups and push colonization on them.

54:05 Pretty chill. And make them change. Yeah, against their will. Mm hmm. Our principles are faith. You have to trust that God will supply all you need sacrifice because they believe that the Holy Spirit enables them to obey what Jesus says. And that will be able to endure any struggle that they're faced with. Fuck this shit just like so is breeding ground for abuse. Sacrifice. Yeah, you can endure that. And it's because it's a part of God's plan. And the holiness, the Holy Spirit lives inside of them and allows them to honor God in all that they ask, say, think and do fellowship as well.

54:46 Their belief in Jesus makes it so that they can work together as a team regardless of any other differences. So it's like, hey, put that massage knee or whatever aside because we're here for Jesus. And we're going to enjoy working together in theory. So the good news mission was founded in 1972 and they run several churches in South Korea and also send missionaries abroad. There are now over 350 good news mission churches around the world. They're independent baptists which are generally fundamentalist baptists. And if you guys know anything about the IFB or the independent fundamentalist baptists in the United States, they are fucked like as fucked as the IBLP bill gothard Institute for basic life principles, all that stuff.

55:40 I'm not familiar with the fundamental. Don't say that because you will know if you still listen to any of the show. You should listen to the fundamentalist segment though. It's like really interesting or you should watch shiny happy people. I did watch shiny happy people. Okay. That's the IBLP bill gothard. Oh snap. Okay. So the I have been independent fundamentalist baptists are very similar to the IBLP. So if these are independent baptists, a K fundamentalist baptists coming to do missionary work at your place of living. That's fucking terrifying. That's not even like a super benevolent kind of Christianity.

56:20 I'm sure there are missions that are a lot nicer but I would assume that this is a pretty fucking intense one. It was started from the faith of forgiveness of sins that pastor oxu park received by the grace of God lucky him. Facing poverty, coldness and hunger, he received the great dream and the promise of preaching gospel all around the world. And Gatress guess what he uses to spread his message. Tell me the Christmas cantata choir. Oh, okay. And that's what makes this a Christmas cold. I wouldn't have guessed it. I should have guessed it though, but that was a good one. No, I mean, how would you have guessed it? It's pretty fucking out there. Let's be real.

57:04 So the gracias or gracias if you're in other Spanish speaking countries choir was founded in 2000. Park now uses this group to travel with and spread his message while on international tours. And these happen yearly between October and November. And these tours were two months long. Yeah, a couple months. He's in high demand. There are several stories from those who have attended, which I'll talk a little bit more about later. And most don't have great things to say about their experience. They're a traveling international choir of all ages, nationalities and backgrounds. They perform classics to contemporary to fucking whatever bullshit. They'll sing traditional songs in people's respective countries.

57:55 So they all do police Navidad. What did that like for sure be in the fucking rotation though? Yeah, I mean, I like the song, but I would think if you're going to be traveling to Mexico. Police Navidad. Police Navidad. Police Navidad. ProSpero on your EF-A-L-C-Dod. I want to wish you a happy festival. From the bottom of my heart. Boom. Okay, that was really fun. Christina, that was beautiful.

58:42 I was going to say you said that they were in high demand. I wonder if they're selling out in this go field for $900 like other people were. Nevermind. I don't want to go there. I'm going to be careful. I know. I'm not. You best watch what you say. I respect her. She's smart. You better not go a step further. You're going down a dangerous road right now. Okay, let me tell you don't have no sweep these after me. Shoot. Okay, so when I hear this, this scares me because I was in a choir that I quit because the director was so mean and it was actually a class for credit. And me and a handful of other people went to someone else in the department and said, you please have to let us out of this class or let us do something alternative because he's abusive.

59:34 Because when you are pursuing excellence in the artistry of emotional purification, education and international fellowship through classical music. Things are going to be out fucking intense. That's all I'm saying and you need perfection. No, you do. And that's why I was like, I got to get out of here. Yeah, because you wanted it to be perfect. But often the pursuit of perfection can get pretty intense, especially when it's coming from my charismatic leader. So it was incorporated in 2013. And since then in 2015, the Garossi is choir won the highest prize at the Mark to Birdorf International choral competition in Germany.

1:00:21 Oh, so they're really good in Germany. Yeah, and that comes at a price to the performers I'm guessing. So they have grown into a world where they're now in choir winning multiple first prize awards across the globe. Can I tell you something always? Thank you. It may be think of sister act like this guy is coming and building this choir except for sister act was fun. I haven't seen sister act in so long. Yeah, they were choir put together and then they end up winning the competitions. And you're saying that the Garcia choir leader the grossiest choir.

1:01:03 The grossiest choir leader. He built something good. What you call the Garcia. Garcia. Oops, I did it again. Somebody's got grateful dad on their mind. That was not good. Oopsie. Anyways, the Rossi's choir leader. We let them to perfection. Yeah, which he probably feels pretty good about. And those people on the choir probably don't well. I don't know who doesn't like winning awards cage restless fereal. This is true. But at what price exactly. So they provide classes and education for music related programs around the world. And they engage in charity concerts and promote non governmental, cultural exchange. You guys know that I'm the first one to say be wary of the government. But also be wary of people who were like, hey, fuck the government come over here. We have the answers like, you know, balance.

1:01:58 Fire beware. And then there's the international youth fellowship established in 2001 and like some bullshit mind control thing raising leaders with global insight through youth education activities and realistic solutions to problems in the global village. And it just sounds like a were raising leaders. It sounds very sketch Coltie as hell. Yeah. So a lot of these experiences are from Reddit. So I can't totally verify them. But let's pretend that I could because I did reach out to somebody who did not get back to me.

1:02:38 Wait a minute. These are experiences of people that were in the choir. No, people who attended. Oh, okay. So we're getting their reviews. Yeah. So what woman said that her and her boyfriend attended the Christmas cantada and that they had received free tickets from their land lady. The show was at the beginning of October, which is weirdly early for a Christmas show. And apparently the show started with a clip about the choir itself and how successful it was. And then it turned into a life lesson about how awful the recent shootings have been specifically the one in Las Vegas. It then circled back around and said that their show had perfect timing because they were there to bring people hope again after such tragic events.

1:03:27 Following the video, a man came out on the stage and welcomed everyone and says why they're all there, which is obviously Jesus Christ. But you know, it's somewhat typical for a Christmas message. Then they do the actual concert and it was broken up into three acts. The birth of Jesus several Christmas stories and a musical performance. Overall, the couple thought the performance itself was great, but that the writing of the story was awful. Like it was trying really hard to promote a message. So they were performing beautiful music, but it was also like, what is this fucking message that you guys are trying to spread with that?

1:04:12 They were essentially at a church service with a flashy set and some extra music after the second act. They then brought oxoo park out to speak. His sermon lasted for 30 minutes where he just kind of got really ranty and said that we need to follow Jesus or the bad things will happen. The couple thought this was really weird at this point, so they leave and all of the staff gives them confused looks as like why are you leaving early and that was the end of their experience. The event they attended was entirely staffed by i.f. and good mission members. They said that the entire event was promoted very lightly that the real agenda came out when everybody was seated.

1:04:59 Like so it's like hey come to our Christmas concert. Listen to us sing fun Christmas music. Okay, so these people got their tickets for free. Yeah, and it's very interesting that people were confused as to why they would leave the show early. They wanted to see some people singing. Yeah, they didn't want to sit there and listen to this man rant and I'm done. Exactly. Right. And he's weirdly speaking Korean and having somebody in terms of. Oh snap. I can't believe I forgot about that part exactly. It just brings a little bit of even more interesting aspect to it. This is another story from Reddit and it's from is raw man.

1:05:42 They asked for a shout out when we asked for permission to use the story. So what's up. Thank you for letting us use your story. Oh, shout out. This person was a part of the IYF good mission call for six years. So it's some reviews and some in house experiences first. He had a count. Yeah, they helped manage and organize the events and even became a spokesperson because she spoke Spanish. She says that she saw some sketchy stuff going on under the surface. Park made the group do commitment offerings on top of normal tithing done in Christian culture. And this was used to fund events. So I think tithing traditionally it's like you give 10% of your income to the church or something. Yes.

1:06:28 But whatever then you had to do also commitment offerings on top of that and they were made to perform free labor. You know handing out promotional material working on construction on new properties. They brought making the food for the gatherings. It was definitely a goal. This sounds very familiar. Right. Yes. We've heard these hallmarks before. The congregation was made to feel like they couldn't leave because if they did they would lose everything and go to hell. The person who has since left said that people who wanted to escape would run away in the middle of the night. This is a Christmas choir.

1:07:11 Yeah, and you can't leave freely during the day. No, it's the Christmas choir is just what they use to spread their gospel. And if wives and children left usually the men would stay and pray that they would return and they believed it was a trial from God. And if their families didn't return, they would then be placed in a new marriage so they wouldn't be alone. So organized marriages as well. And this happened to several people from all different levels of the organization. Also some good old fashioned mental abuse. Their goal was to try and break you so you don't leave. They would throw insults at people and be as nasty as possible to keep everyone in line.

1:07:54 They were taught to hate and abuse others out of love. You know, tough love. Even if that wasn't what was needed, it's still what should be applied. This reminds me so much of the troubled teen industry right now. It's crazy. And people are afraid to leave because park claims that he's a prophet and that God was using him on earth. And obviously people don't want to go to hell, you know. And you're right. This is the choir. Did they live in a compound? Dude, this just like really hard to find information on. Okay. I don't know. We should have been playing Colt Bingo though, but we would have won. Totally. I found this in an Amazon book review. A guy said that he was super into the good mission group. So he spoke to parks nephew who is also a pastor at a church in LA.

1:08:46 And found that it was wrong if you ask for forgiveness. Your faith isn't strong enough or you lack faith if you're asking for forgiveness because you should just trust God or Jesus or somebody. And Jesus doesn't save you if you ask for forgiveness because you're not just blindly trusting enough. He confirmed they do arranged marriages. A panel of pastors gets together and prays. Then they couple their members together based on those prayers. And he also confirmed that it's rare for couples to get divorced, which I mean depending on the circumstances could definitely point that they're kind of forced together or potentially women are coerced and to staying in abusive marriages and stuff like that.

1:09:27 He asked the pastor if any other churches taught what they do and he said that there was one, but he couldn't remember the name of it. He also asked why the church itself was so isolated because that made it seem controlling hardly anybody really knows about the church or what they represent the foundations, the I.Y.F. Good Mission and Grosius choir all have a positive front. You know hats off to Elizabeth because this stuff was it wasn't easy to find and his answer was that they tried to preach to other churches but are told to go away because a missionary isn't well it's not a church. It's a person or a group preaching so they're trying to bring their system into other churches and they're like fuck off that church already have their message.

1:10:15 Yeah we're good thanks think of the Lord in 2011 there was a pretty big scandal where 400 English teachers volunteered to teach English in Mexico and you know some of them naturally were young college students and they claimed that the classes were going to be called English camp. Instead they were religious lectures mostly talking about sin and these classes were guarded by security and anyone who tried to leave was prevented from doing so participants who were late were forced to do physical labor or have some sort of physical punishment so they would generally have to perform excessive exercises instead of learning and one of the college students who went to teach said that she was the victim of a scam.

1:11:02 There were also questions going up in India and Uganda over their religious materials being used in public schools and everything that is being used in public schools is provided by the good news mission there everywhere and just you know to round things off park has had several fraud charges against him not surprised. In 2017 it was said that he sold fraudulent over the counter stock to his 800 church members and that he also took in an unlawful profit for a church so you know the pastor can make X amount of money but he's like mine it's mine your commitment offerings are actually mine it's amazing how I mean I really don't know how much money preachers make but just looking at TV the guy in town.

1:11:57 I don't know how much money he makes but they've got that mega mega church and I'm sure he lives in a mansion yeah they want you to sacrifice members you sacrifice you go without this is a test blah blah blah yeah but look at me hey you come over here free labor that's a tails all this time yeah fix my hot tub go add another wing got to my house right right in 2017 his estimated fraud amount was 20 21.8 million dollars. God dog weirdly every case that has come against him has been dropped the Supreme Court stated that it is hard to regard park as an accomplice because you know cases keep getting dropped that can it be coercion what other suspects in his broadcast were given jail time of two to three years along with several years of probation that's also so often how it goes with whole leaders because they have other people to the dirty work but overall park was found not guilty he's a profit so gay trust that is the rossiest choir Christmas contact occult good grief.

1:13:13 Early changes my opinion on a lot of holiday concerts I fight best it's wild how you humans hide evil within your most secret of establishments kind of mix hard to trust anything you see in this world. Well it looks like my time for this holiday is coming to an end there's only an hour left in the day and I see a pack of top go build drive through with my name on it. I see now point eating you to especially after all the great podcast I shared with you so let's not let these shows go waste. Why don't you pull out your phone and subscribe to the mob before you leave now if you'll excuse me I've got a little holiday feast of my own to have. Good luck explaining this to anyone. [Music]